On the Eve of My First 5K

I have my very first 5k tomorrow.  I originally said I wanted to do this and I got knocked up.  Truth be told I was kinda relieved.  But it was still a goal of mine.  And so I began to train, and I talked 3 sweet girlfriends into running it with me and posted it all over Facebook to keep me honest.

Sadly, despite having an extra 4 weeks I’m only on week 6 of 8.  It happens.  Injuries, illness, onsite and oh yea the flue of death….add that to the fact that there were a few days I found I needed to re-do just because I wasn’t ready to move on.  Originally I thought I wanted to run the whole thing.  My goal was to run more than 51%.  Now of course, I realize I’ll have to walk portions.  I’m truly ok with that. 

So how am I feeling?  Nervous, anxious, excited.  But here’s one I didn’t expect—emotional.  I’m pretty sure there will be tears tomorrow. 

The nervous anxiety is a funny thing.  I think it has more to do with being sure that we’re there on time, I get enough water, stretch etc.  I’m also anxious that people will be waiting for me to finish….that’s some pressure.

On top of all of this there’s this little weather front coming through.  Given my history that’s started to give me anxiety, but I’m sorta hoping we get some weather so I can just lay low on Monday.

I’m as ready as I’m going to be.  Hopefully this stuffiness will phase out and I’ll be in peak condition tomorrow. 

And yes, I’ll be running another before the end of the year.

Somedays Suck

Somedays suck.  And today?  It’s someday.

For weeks I’ve been looking forward to tonight.  Literally, weeks.  Dinner with one of my favorite decorator friends and two of my former coworkers and favorite ladies.  All four of us worked on a particular show….passing it along.  We were like each like Steve’s conference wife so I joked we were sister wives.  I don’t often make time for people on a weeknight but for these folks?  Of course.

I had checked with Matt first and foremost and he told me he could do it.  But then this past weekend when I reminded him about it the look on his face told met here was something we didn’t factor in.  Matt has a standing meeting every Monday late afternoon.  Of course he does.  We both know it and we both had forgotten and not put two and two together.  So it’s decided that I would pick up Em, then take her to Matt’s office to drop her and head on to dinner in the district.  Far from ideal, but it would have to work. 

Sadly, the majority of the travel Gods were against me.  By the time that I finally got to daycare I knew I didn’t have time to stop at the house to get Emerson’s sippy cup and snack.  Luckily I had saltines in the car.  Then I realized that the car was almost out of gas.  It confused me for a min until I realized that Matt had taken my car to World Market in Pentagon City in search of our bed.  Certainly no time to stop by the house if I had to get gas.  So instead I borrowed the cup from daycare and filled it with water. 

We finally got under way when I realized that Emerson was playing with her sippy cup….and that that sippy cup was leaking.  Ironically I had wondered the night before at what point we’d start her on her big girl (no lid) cup.  I quickly realized that they had already started at daycare by removing the “plug” in her cup and therefore when she shook it water came out.  She was now soaked. No biggie, I thought we’d meet Matt right outside the office and he’d leave immediately with her anyway.

Once we hit 495 we hit more traffic and now my child realized she was wet.  I handed her MIckey Mouse Clubhouse on the iphone to appease her until my mother called.  What Mom didn’t realize is that when she called the iphone switched to phone from video so now Emerson’s crying and my mom is trying to remember WHY she called.  Fast forward to getting off of the phone, Mickey back on and I pull into Fairview park.  I used to work over here when I first moved to the area.  Matt told me he was by the Marriott (I had been immediately across the street) and so I headed in that direction.  Then I realized I needed the phone again to find the email with the exact address.  That means pulling the phone out of my child’s death grip, causing tears, then handing it right back to her and feeling crazy guilty for being frustrated.  I drove around for 10 mins (by the Marriott).  Finally I realized that I would need to get the phone again which would me more tears. 

Turns out Matt was “by” the Marriott but at the other end of the office park.  I got over there, child screaming, and parked in the garage and proceeded to peel her clothes off of her (of course they were jeans that were wet).  I wrapped her in a blanket thankful that for once I had my mom senses about me to have a blanket at all. 

When Matt finally got to us I tried not to be angry.  None of this was his fault (though he could have walked a little faster :)).  None, until this moment.  As Matt took Emerson he made a comment about taking her inside and I pointed out that I was holding her jeans and she was pantless.  He looked at me and asked if I didn’t have some other pants.  Didn’t I have a spare pair or a change of clothes.  I wanted to scream “where in my magic pant bag?!”  The truth is, this broke my heart.  I never feel like I’m prepared like a mom “should be” with snacks and drinks and changes of clothes.  And worse, I’m often criticized in this family that I carry around too much crap and shouldn’t always “have so much stuff” in the diaper bag which is ironic since I never feel like I have the right stuff.  All I could think of was “Mom fail”, I don’t even have a change of clothes for her.

But then, he just kept looking at me with this sorta sad pleading look in his eyes and I realized that he had wanted to take her in and show her off.  How she was pantless with a shirt covered in paint from school and fussy and suddenly my heart broke some more.  Now not only was it a mom fail, it was a wife fail.  In hindsight I realize that this was my undoing.

As I got back on the road (finally) my friend called to see where I was.  Of course the restaurant wouldn’t seat without me.  Instead I told them to act like I wouldn’t be there and I’d just pull up a chair when I got there.  Then she texted to let me know about the valet.  THE VALET—-I needed cash.  Of course I did I was going into the district. 

I stopped in little Mexico (Falls church) to get cash only to realize that there’s no drive up.  Awesome.  Hoping I don’t get jumped I get out to get cash.  When I’m finally back in the car I’m finally on my way.  By this point it’s 7:00pm and I was supposed to be there by 6:30pm.  As I’m trying to find my way back I am messaging with my friend and just about the time I realize my GPS is cracked up and I’ve missed my turn I get a text that it’s ok they are eating (I asked them to start without me) and I realize I won’t get there until at least 7:30 (an hour late).  Now I’m a friend fail too. 

And I lose it.  I start crying, pull over and text that I’m going home.  I’m sorry but ti’s just too much and I’m too late.  Trying to calm down I finally realize where I am….by my office that I left 3 hours prior.  Awesome.  Now I’m back in 66 traffic for the second rush hour of the night, eating saltines and deciding to hell with it, I’ll just get a McFlurry for dinner.  I can drive through and given that my make-up which I’d carefully reapplied 3 hours earlier is now down my face I need to stay hidden.

I finish my McFlurry sitting in my parking lot, regretting eating it and wasting the points that I had saved for that fateful dinner. I say to hell with it, walk inside and find that the dog has pooped on the floor.  The end, I’m done.

Did I mention today sucks?

Who Am I?

I’m spending this evening trying to compile a list of running songs.  You know, for my runs.  Like the one I did tonight.  I ran 8 MINUTES….straight!  I ran 5, then 8, then 5.  I couldn’t believe it when I thought, before the last run “oh just 5 minutes”.  JUST?  Who is this girl?!

I have a long way to go but I also recognize how far I’ve come.  And it’s a good thing too, because we have our 5k in less than a month-GAH!

Today was a bad day

Today was a bad day.  Sometimes you just need to say it, so there.  Today was a crappy day.  In a crappy week, in a crappy month.  

Sure there have been great things.  By all means.  But I’ve been running on all cylinders most of the summer aiming for October.  I’ve had to put out one fire after another with challenges I inherited.  Things have blindsided me left and right.  At times I feel like Wonder Woman—you know how she would use her metal cuffs to reflect laser beams or whatever?  That’s how I feel. Not like I am actually Wonder anything mind you, just that I’m constantly at the ready to throw my wrists up and block whatever is coming next in the hope of getting safely to the end of the episode.

And Honestly?  It didn’t really bother me.  Not really.  Not until today.  I mean certainly in the past 2-3 weeks my level of stress has been pretty high.  I haven’t discussed it with Matt because his schedule is busy enough for the both of us so I’ve kept it to myself.  Besides, what’s he really going to do?  Give me management advice that will send us into an argument because I want my friend, not to be managed.  Unfortunately as the stress finally began to bubble over he had no idea where it was coming from.  I *guess* hooray for being able to keep it to myself?  Hell if I know.  I was never trying to be a superhero, just trying to carry on.

But then today happened.  Aside from everything else this promotion, as great as it is, has been change and change for me means a lot of personal turmoil.  I was on a conference call when it happened.   An email came through that sent me over the edge.  It wasn’t even really something worth getting bent out of shape over but before I knew it I was crying.  MInd you the call and the message had nothing to do with one another (one was much more personal than the other) but I couldn’t hold back.  The damn dam broke (heh)

I managed to gain my composure when it was time for me to talk again (and thank the good Lord I have my own office) but when the call was over I lost it again.  And have continued to do so.  Driving home I felt like I had been crying all damn day rather than just a snippit of it.  Sheer exhaustion.

So here I am saying it.  It was a bad day.  Cause sometimes you just have to say it and then walk on.

Oh Hai!

Who has two thumbs and got promoted?

THIS GIRL!

I’d love to write more about it, and I suppose I will, but right now holy cow I”m busy. Not even with new job stuff…with current stuff.  Stuff that has me BEGGING for October 5th.  

Aside from the obvious perks of the promotion (heh) I also am excited to just get recognized.  And also?  I get to work from home 3 days a week once we move.  Score!  Granted I’ll still be busy, but I’ll be busy with a commute that lasts about 30 seconds.  And that concentrated time working?  That will allow me to pick up Em by 5pm and still get a really solid day’s work in.  

Of course, I’ll be honest that there are some downsides namely that I have so much of who I am wrapped up in what I do that to change what you do?  Yea, that’ll throw you for a loop.

For now I’m just trying to embrace the change and roll with it (as best as I can).  

Secrets

I have a secret that I want to tell….but I can’t….I can tell it on Monday, but until then I will pout that I can’t say bubcus yes…..  Yes, a total ramble.

Two

Two—The approximate number of years old my daughter will be when I FINALLY loose the baby weight.  In fairness, I didn’t actually start trying until she was one since I didn’t want to deal with that until I stopped nursing/pumping.

and Two is the number of pant sizes I went does in jeans.  Horray!

The weight loss has been going pretty well.  After a little bit of a plateau I’ve finally started losing again and gotten the go ahead to run again from my orthopedist.  I had hoped to lose 60lbs by Emerson’s second birthday and while I’ll continue to try I may just end up at 45…and that’s ok too.

If I’m honest, I think that I likely lost a little weight after I got pregnant thanks to slight morning sickness.  And If I’m REALLY being honest, I’m pretty sure I gained more weight after the baby.  Long and short of it, I was just at 40lbs heavier post baby than my first OB appt.  That’s where the 45 comes in.  It’s the baby weight plus 5.  And that means it’s MORE than what I gained….even if only slightly :)

But for now, I’m concentrating on the next 6lbs which will mark the 40 lb mark and then from there, I’ll have my next 5.  Baby steps.  Slow can be a little frustrating, but at least I know it works.

And I bother why??

Warning pity party ahead

I lost a whopping .4 lbs this week. That’s all of 1.2Lbs in the last two weeks. Meanwhile im killing myself on the road. I know this is the way it goes but seriously?! Blerg

Brain Dump

• Since we knew we were moving out here it’s been important to me (and Matt) to find a home church.  We tried out the Catholic church St. Theresa’s which was fine, then we tried a “mega church” last week.  They were very nice but it’s just no for us.  This weekend we’ll be trying out a Methodist church that I’m pretty excited about.
• I’ve been running and I’m not 100% sure my foot is all good but I am pushing through it for now.  I may pay it for later, but for now I’m pushing on.
• Speaking of the running, as we get into August it’s starting to get dark earlier.  I don’t want to be a worry wart but I think I might need to look into getting a reflective vest for safety.  I’m such a dork.
• Work is work.  Meh.  Emerson got invited to her first birthday party from a little boy at daycare and I’ll be on the road.  boo.